my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
