guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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