The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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