I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
where are my eyebrows?
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