Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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