I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
