This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
