Duck Duck Cougar?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
