I could have mohawked her pubes.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
