Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
