why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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