Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
