don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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