She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
