I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Let's get the cat blown out
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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