im drinking this country out of the recession.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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