Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
