and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
