Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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