Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he shaved USA in his pubs
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
