I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
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