I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
