she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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