wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
