Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
