i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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