Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
