When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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