They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
