Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
