Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
