If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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