when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
