k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
