Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just gift wrapped bread.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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