Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
