So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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