i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
