yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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