I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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