I just pynch a tree in the face
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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