Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
