his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize