I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
