When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
