I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
