I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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