Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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