I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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