I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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