Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
