you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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