I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize