I think i peed on brittanys purse
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
