You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
