I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
