dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
