Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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