Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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