I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
barbara walters just said penis...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
