new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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