Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
