I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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