went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
