And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
