Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
