WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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