Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
