It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
