her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
